Passion & My mothers gift to me

I recieved an email this morning from my mom..who is sick. She was up at 5 Am sending  out some thoughts, or a revelation of sorts that came to her.  My mom never sends out this type of email.. usually she sends me junk mail!! - never her own thoughts on spirituality and God's love.  

While in the middle of reading this i felt tears well up in my eyes at her mention of me. How i helped lead her to christ when I was only still inside of her.  After reading this i started thinking.. which led me to write.

I will only share a few parts....but the important stuff... she writes:

Our calling in life is what we are passionate about.  It is the very thing that we have wept over - something that has broken our heart....and we are torn up over it to the point of wanting to do something about it - but not necessarily knowing what to do and how.  Our calling is not really something that we want to jump up and do - we may want to avoid doing it.....BUT GOD has allowed us to be broken over it.

I realized that God was confirming in my heart what my passion  is - and that is with the Children's Ministry. I have been broken over growing up without a father, spending my childhood years in a messed up environment, no spiritual feeding or guidance throughout my childhood years....In fact, it was when I was pregnant with Lauren - that God stirred up in me a deep deep desire to teach her about him - to give her the Lord and know Him.  That is exactly how I was led by Him to BSF....and the Lord used that ministry to center me on His Word - to come to know him personally and to learn how to teach others about Him....

I share this with all of you to help you on your spiritual journey. What is it that God has broken you over?  What breaks your heart to the point of intense passion to do something about it? Could it be that you are in the process of being broken recently?  Pastor used Nehamiah as an example Ch 1-3 to illustrate his point along with Jonah - who wanted to avoid doing the very thing he was called to do.  Other examples are David - a 12 year old boy who was angered over this giant that no Israelite had the guts to stand up against....and Moses - who was angered over God's people being mistreated in slavery and used his passion the wrong way at first and killed an Egyptian.....

What is it that God has broken you over?  Could it be that you have stuffed it - and He is teaching you right now in your life - so that at some point you are ready to do something about it. I encourage you to respond to the call - even when you do not think or feel adaquate to do something about it....partly you are right - YOU cannot do it alone....God does it through you - but you must willingly go....

2 main things she made me think about...1. the word passion.  Ive always loved that word; because to me it means a Love like no other.. the Love that tears you up inside..makes me think of burning..desiring and emotion.  What she was mentioning here is that our purpose in life may just be our passion.. the things that make us feel, that move us, that are difficult for us.

Perfect example I can think of right now is the movie- Passion of the Christ.   What was Jesus' purpose here on earth?? It was to come to the world to save us from our sins by shedding his life on the cross.

When I looked up the word passion in christian terms it referred to the physical , spiritual and mental terms of the event of suffering.   After reading this things started coming together in my head.. .. could the things we are passionate about be our purpose here??.............. sure seems to make sense to me.

The 2nd thing is that my mom mentioned coming to christ after a terrible childhood when she was pregnant with me.   The fact that she started to change her life because she felt the desire to need to teach ME about God.. baffles me. It stirrs up some kind of emotion in me that makes me want to cry.  so .....

this leads me to wonder... how I can do more? I've mentioned this before , but my mom's words just make me want to go out and give.  I feel like I owe so much to her.. for giving me the greatest gift of all. I know she have only had a small part in my journey to God's love but it seems like a big deal considering she got to know Christ with me in mind.

This may not make a whole lot of sense to some of you.. maybe it doesn't because you don't have the emotional connection this story like i do. but, i wanted to share this because it touched me.   (almost made me want to slap myself for getting into the depressive moods I get in when Im down about Finances or life in general)  WHY? do i let myself get so down.. i have so much to be grateful for.

what a perfect time for thanksgiving! I am so thankful.

I know not to write when im stressed out..if i would of posted yesterday, you would of heard from a very very different lauren.