Lit from Within: The Reason I Write

Many different life occurrences have led up to this post. I've had several ideas on what I wanted to write about next, ย but not sure how to string them all together to make one organized piece of writing. I have this innate desire to write. I've known this for a very long time now because it's been something I've loved to do from a very young age. ย I have recognized that writing is something that helps me personally work through and understand the thoughts running through my head. Yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts that one of ย the reasons I write is that it helps me understand visually what I am thinking. I am a visual learner, so putting my thoughts down on paper-or in this case on a computer screen, helps me see what I am thinking about.

The other part of my epiphany about writing is very personal and I will explain in just a moment. I contemplated writing about it, but an amazing friend encouraged me to continue to speak openly and write honestly. And, I needed that extra push.

When I lived in New York I wrote almost everyday and kept a journal. It helped get me through the ups and downs, ย and calmed me down when I felt lonely or confused. I remember feeling so many emotions at that time; I had so much passion for life, and was filled with fire inside of me that kept me motivated to chase my dreams. Writing always helped me process the things going on in my life and move forward. When I moved home from New York , I went back to school (for writing) and finished with my bachelors degree with hopes and dreams of someday writing books, continuing with blogging, and other writing projects. ย But, somewhere along the way I stopped writing and for the last 3 or 4 years, I have hardly written anything that is truly personal. It's as if I didn't want to confront my honest emotions. It wasn't until recently that I realized that for a while I had sort of lost myself, and had grown numb to feelings. It's a hard thing to explain unless you have felt it before. But, now that I am feeling things so strongly; love, joy, passion, pain, excitement, disappointment, enthusiasm, compassion....all of these things I've felt in the past few months I realized I had grown numb to for a while.

It's no ones fault that I had suppressed my emotions and I am in no way blaming the people who were in my life for the past few years. But, once I started being honest with myself ย and opening up to people closest to me in my life, all of these feelings have started flooding back and now I am filled with a strong innate desire to write again. I am feeling "lit from within" so to speak... I feel like I suddenly have that strong fire inside of me , that courage, and motivation and energy I once felt before, and it is SUCH a great feeling!

Today, when meeting a friend, one of the first things she encouraged me to do was to keep writing, to keep being transparent and allow myself to write openly about my thoughts. As difficult as it is sometimes because I worry about what others may think, I know that it may help someone else reading it, and I certainly find therapy in writing.

When I left the coffee shop today, Alicia Keys' song "girl on fire" was on the radio. Now, previously...I have always thought this song was kinda "cheesy-overplayed-melodramatic" but not today!! ย Today, it was just what I needed to hear! Because , I truly feel like I am on fire...like I am lit from within, and I am unstoppable. I am so motivated and encouraged to continue moving in the direction my life is going. And, I hope that this encourages you to continue following the desires that have been placed on YOUR heart. Nothing can stop you but your own fear and insecurity.

So, in closing this post I will leave you with a photo from my "coffee date" today with a very amazing friend who gave me this inspiring quote, and of course...Alicia Key's "Girl on Fire" Video. :) The words touched my heart today.

photo (11)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J91ti_MpdHA&w=560&h=315]

Love,

Lauren